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I don't like April Fool's Day, or any such mass participation in trickery. The bloom was off the McSweeney's rose for me when Eggers & Co. tried to convince everyone their site was being taken over by the McSweeney family. I hate being made to feel stupid for believing someone, especially someone I've learned to trust.

I do, however, like telling big honkin' lies. I always have. Like telling the other kids at the bus stop in second grade that I have ten identical cousins all named Carlotta. Like convincing my friend Ann in 1984, for no good reason, that Stevie Wonder died. For a couple of years not too long ago, I told everyone who asked what I did for a living that I was the regional manager for Hooters. Before that, I was a freelance tree surgeon.

But April Fool's Day always reminds me of the downside of being a big honkin' liar. It was on April 1, 1984, of course, that Marvin Gaye was shot to death by his father. Fairly hard to imagine that horrible, shocking scenario anyway, but try convincing Ann Fairbrother that it really happened -- especially on April Fool's Day, especially after the Stevie Wonder charade -- and having her call you a jerk.

"No, seriously! Turn on the radio! WRIF is doing a whole long news thing about it!"

"You suck. I'm not talking to you anymore."

She figured out by that evening that I wasn't lying. But I was still a jerk.

You know who else lies? Weatherfolk. After being told today would have a high of 50 and a chance of showers, I left the house in a lightweight coat with no hat, gloves or scarf. It then proceeded to snow -- heavily -- for about four hours. I could tell by the number of windbreaker-clad folks on the bus that I was not the only Chicagoan thus deceived.

Replies: 2 Confessions

So... you're not a tree surgeon?

jima @ 04/02/2002 08:23 AM CST

No. Sorry.

amyc @ 04/02/2002 09:45 AM CST

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