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Ever since I started telling people I'm getting married, I've been subjected to increasingly peculiar comments from (and alarming glimpses into the psyches of) people I don't know all that well. F'rinstance, several women have said to me, "Well, you know when you get married, you can't just leave." I find these remarks baffling and insulting on many levels. A) Why would they assume I would want to leave? I have never yet even been close to wanting out of this relationship. That's sorta why we're getting married -- we like each other. Are these people just projecting their own marital unhappiness onto others?, and 2) If they are in fact projecting, why would they marry someone they were so tempted to leave until the marriage license "forced" them to stay? I don't get it. Also, on a more general level: why would that be the first thing anyone would say to someone who's just announced s/he's getting married? "Oh, you're getting married? Now you're stuck with each other, and you'll never get out! You're doomed! Doomed, I tell you! Bu-wahahahaha!"

So last Friday, a coworker I only see a few times a year jokingly punched me in the arm. "Hey, what was that for?" I asked. "Get used to it," she said. "It gets worse after you're married." How exactly does one respond to such unsolicited yet terrifyingly revealing information from a minor acquaintance? Seriously, whatever happened to saying "You're getting married? Congratulations!" and leaving your personal demons out of the pleasant chit-chat?

Replies: 2 Confessions

I agree with you that this is weird, like saying, "Oh, you got a job. You know that means you will have to do some work."
On the other hand, I can think of excellent counterexamples. For example, there is Phineas, who had a job for a year in which he did no work, or there is me, who though happily married did leave and furthermore is still gone.
Face it, all you of earth are idiots.

Reverend Agnes @ 04/21/2002 10:48 AM CST


Actually, I think it's more like saying, "Oh, you got a job. You'll never be able to quit, you know."

But, hell, I've never been able to figure out most people's motivations for anything.

amyc @ 04/21/2002 12:27 PM CST


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