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violentbride (17k image)

Alrighty. Violent Bride has too much to do this week to blog with any sort of frequency. Woe betide any vendors who cross us before Saturday, for I will snap their spines with my fancy martial-arts moves and leave them in the desert as I speed away in my roadster, cackling like a giant-breasted banshee. (This means you, Write Inn of Oak Park! My first post-honeymoon crusade will be letting the BBB know about your incompetent approach to hospitality. Perhaps a nice PowerPoint slideshow will do the trick.)

(Thanks to my beloved for the fancy graphic. Just in case some of you hadn't heard, I sure do love that Jim Allenspach!)

(And, no, I'm not changing my name. I'm not sure how my years of feminist fist-shaking managed to escape my mother's notice, but she seemed honestly surprised last night when I told her this.)

Replies: 11 Confessions

I wanted to write you one more time while you were still a single woman. That's all. I have already said too much.

matthew @ 05/14/2002 05:27 PM CST


Hope your wedding day is perfect. Write me when you have recovered and tell me all the things to avoid for mine.

michele @ 05/14/2002 07:36 PM CST


Looking forward to your reveries and your photos.

My #1 tip: have a good time.
Do not fret (too much) at your own wedding- you have paid someone else to do that, come showtime.

#2 tip: eat something.

the food is going to rock, but unless you charge someone with the task of forcing your mouth open and food into it, you'll only know about it via hearsay. My maid of honor had three tasks: my hair, getting me to the venue, and feeding me. She also caught the bouquet. OMG, 2nd anniversary is coming up fast and when do you think the last time we hung out was? Eep.

Jessica @ 05/14/2002 09:02 PM CST


The main source of stress right now is the weather forecast, which keeps changing between sunny, rainy, snowy, and showers of burning coals. It's an outdoor wedding, and we have a tent with walls, so that will afford some protection. But now we're looking into renting a heater, so it's not too chilly in the tent.

jima @ 05/15/2002 10:22 AM CST


stop looking at the weather reports. it is just going to make you wacky.

other tip:

when people start getting annoying, just chant to yourself "in a few more hours, I won't have to look at you until the next family funeral."

unless it is your mother/sister/close relation. just push her out of the tent into the flaming hail weather.com keeps predicting.

shechemist @ 05/15/2002 11:02 AM CST


I'm with shechemist. Unless they are idiots, the people you invite to the wedding will also read the weather forecast and prepare for whatever is anticipated, and if they don't, that's their problem and not your fault. The ceremony will be brief, and if people look chilly, we can lead them in aerobic exercises to improve their circulation.

Reverend Agnes @ 05/15/2002 11:53 AM CST


That's why I'm considering having my wedding on a boat. Anyone gets annoying, we can push them over.

michele @ 05/15/2002 11:53 AM CST


Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I wanted to write Jim one last time while he was still single too.

matthew @ 05/15/2002 12:10 PM CST


If we rent a bouncy-castle from the tent place, people could keep warm by jumping around. That would be a fun wedding!

amyc @ 05/15/2002 12:21 PM CST


I predict a beautiful day tomorrow no matter what the weather.

matthew @ 05/17/2002 01:50 PM CST


I'm sure the joint will be jumpin' even without a bouncy castle.

Jessica @ 05/17/2002 07:56 PM CST


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