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If you're getting off the El and walking to your bus stop, and a couple of pink-cheeked, vaguely simian-looking pre-teens approach you, say they're from a school whose name you can't quite make out and ask if you're interested in answering some simple questions in exchange for some of the flowers they're holding, just say no. Really. Because agreeing to their demands will only encourage them, and they will pester you with questions about your religious beliefs and insist upon discussing the nature of existence until you yank out a scrap of paper and write Charles Darwin - Origin of Species on it and tell them "That will explain where the ooze came from" and you'll be flustered and annoyed because, honestly, who prepares age-appropriate pro-evolution speeches in advance because they expect to get harassed by fundamentalist middle-schoolers while waiting for the bus? Even if they never stop smiling and say you can still have the flowers anyway, they will still make a show of circling around their siblings and beaming parental figure (who probably makes a habit of dragging her flock of pink-cheeked, simian offspring to street corners to convert the Chicago heathens) and bowing their heads in noisy prayer for you as you board the bus when it finally arrives, and it's just best not to get into that whole scene at all. So just say, "I'm sorry, I don't speak the English" and be on your way.

I'm sure they're going to rat me out now.

Replies: 5 Confessions

If only you had had those two angels from "Dogma" with you. They would have backed your ass up.

jima @ 07/19/2002 11:13 AM CST


Uh...yeah.

amyc @ 07/19/2002 11:22 AM CST


Oh, all right, here's a real answer:

15 Answers to Creationist Nonsense

jima @ 07/19/2002 11:57 AM CST


Oh they did NOT!!!

At least they didn't have dung-throwing monkeys with them. Here the hare krishnas come armed. ;)

Jessica @ 07/19/2002 01:46 PM CST


I wonder if the Retrograde Activities people are planning to do anything about Venus & it's retrograde activities. . .

jonathon @ 07/27/2002 06:45 PM CST


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