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Well, it was only a matter of time. Davezilla's getting nastygrammed for lizard infringement and the propietor of an anti-Bill O'Reilly site got a cease-and-desist letter for apparently violating Mr. O'Reilly's civil rights by criticizing his show.

But now, people, the shit has really hit the phan! A band of bloodthirsty lawyers is threatening to haul us...I mean, uh, the owners of PhineasPhan off to the pokey for violation of privacy, trademark infringement (apparently "P-Jo" is a registered servicemark of MontoyaCorp., which owns Phineas X. Jones and all his subsidiaries) and the illegal sharing of trade secrets (for example, that Phineas X. Jones likes gazpacho).

To quote from the letter that was hand-delivered to us...I mean, to the anonymous, unlucky bastards who own PhineasPhan:

"As a trademark owner, MontoyaCorp. has a legal obligation to enforce our rights when we believe another entity is infringing or diluting our message. We also have an obligation to our customers and shareholders to protect and grow our brand. When others trade on the goodwill and likeness of Phineas X. Jones, it dilutes the brand for our customers and makes them confused and sad. While we certainly do not take pleasure in dragging your thieving asses off to prison, it is our legal obligation to ensure the protection of our brand. In no way is our cease and desist letter meant to be threatening, but rather is an attempt to convey the seriousness of the situation. And what the fuck is up with that damn naked lady? You know that shit ain't right!"

Also, the lawyers contend, our revelation that Phineas X. Jones is "the world's biggest Bon Jovi fan" has resulted in Mr. Jones receiving countless pre-dawn phone calls from a drunk and lonely Richie Sambora looking for affirmation and "perhaps a hug."

In our...I mean, their...defense, the phansite doesn't actually say that Phineas is the biggest Bon Jovi fan -- just that he likes them. Hey, lots of people like Bon Jovi. It's not a crime -- not YET, anyway! Besides, these lawyers didn't go after this guy's site! No justice, no peace, man.

Replies: 4 Confessions

They're just jealouse. Phineas belongs to the people, I tell you.

jima @ 08/14/2002 11:41 AM CST

That's what I keep saying! I mean, how can you trademark a being of pure light?

amyc @ 08/14/2002 12:50 PM CST

"A Being of Pure Light™"

Phineas @ 08/14/2002 02:28 PM CST

You are so misguided. I have it on the highest authority that the Axis of Evil spins around Phineas's - well, around Phineas. You know, near the middle.
You watch. You'll see I'm right.

Reverend Agnes Lionel @ 08/14/2002 02:33 PM CST

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