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Has there ever been a blight on the cultural landscape as horrifying as the hair-metal power ballad? At the drug store this morning, my ears were brutally assaulted by Extreme, aggressively harmonizing their way through the grammatically suspect "More Than Words." Sample lyric: "More than words is all you have to do to make it real/Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me/Cos I'd already know." Huh? That curious phrasing always made me wonder if, perhaps, MoreThanWords™ was a patented nonverbal communications system available for just three easy payments of $19.98.

Also this morning, dueling freebie peddlers handed out newspapers on opposite corners of Lake St. Today is the allegedly exciting launch date of the Tribune's Red Eye and the Sun-Times' Red Streak, newspapers designed for people 18-34 who don't read newspapers. (Funny, I thought the Sun-Times was already for people who don't read newspapers.) They seem to have some trouble identifying their market, however -- as I passed the Red Eye guy, he cried out to me "Winona's on trial, Sarah Jessica Parker had a baby boy, and it's all in the Red Eye!" Do I look like the kind of person who gives a shit about such things?

Replies: 7 Confessions

How genius! Handing out the papers in the Loop, where most people have finished their commutes!

jima @ 10/30/2002 11:15 AM CST

Well, people can hang on to them so they have something to occupy their time during the return trip. Otherwise they might just stand on the El tracks and masturbate.

amyc @ 10/30/2002 12:05 PM CST

Now, I've never seen Phineas on the El tracks before.

jima @ 10/30/2002 01:16 PM CST

If you don't have time to read a single article from the real paper, or even USA Today, what's REdEye going to do for you? I heard the editor talking about it and he said the full-color ads should be a real draw for my demographic.

Shylo! @ 10/30/2002 02:39 PM CST

Pretty, pretty colors!

amyc @ 10/30/2002 03:05 PM CST

Yeah, you're in that magpie demographic. Free in every issue, a brand new play-pretty!

jima @ 10/30/2002 03:15 PM CST

What? No shiny things?

Andrew @ 10/31/2002 01:23 PM CST

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