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After seeing "Bowling for Columbine," alert reader Erick wrote to me asking: Just how, I wonder, can we make America more Canadian? I figure I do my part. I watch hockey. I drink Labatt's. I speak French. I know who Jean Chretien is. What more can I do?

Any suggestions? (anyone using the word "touque" gets an extra five points)

Replies: 8 Confessions

Let's not get too carried away, ever hear of those neo-colonial Canadian mining companies sticking their toxic tongues (not touques) down the throats of Hondurans and Indonesians?

matthew @ 11/20/2002 09:32 AM CST

1. Trade in all your greenbacks for those "golden dollars" (which I still have never actually seen) or Susan B. Anthonys if that's all you can find. We still don't have a "doubloonie" equivalent, unfortunately.

1a. And when you say "dollar", procounce the 'o' sound somewhere in between a long 'o' and short 'o'.

2. Put malt vinegar on all fried foods.

2a. Put HP Sauce on all other foods.

3. Drink more ginger ale.

drench @ 11/20/2002 09:34 AM CST

mmmmm....malt vinegar....

amyc @ 11/20/2002 09:43 AM CST

My limited observations of the Canadian people have lead me to believe that they are a peace loving, calm bunch. Who else is peace loving and calm? That's right. Hippies!

To convert America to the Way of the Hippie, follow these easy steps:

1. Free yoga training.
2. Chocolate covered pot products. Two birds, one stone.
3. Turn a blind eye (or nose) to bathing, then hose crowds down with patchouli.
4. Take up the mandolin, guitar, or harmonica. Learn how to play noodley, annoying songs.
5. Craft shoes from old tires.
6. Etc.

Just a few suggestions, but I'm all for it. Free love, anyone?

Shylo! @ 11/20/2002 11:30 AM CST

(Off the top of my head...)

1) Make a concerted effort to figure out Curling.

2) Foster the idea that health care is some kind of human right or something.

3) Stop snickering reflexively anytime anyone mentions Bryan Adams.

4) Get used to the idea that Queen Elizabeth is your head of state. Altho we could do (and have done) worse.

5) Observe Boxing Day.

Phineas @ 11/20/2002 11:35 AM CST

smoke pot.

eat pickled fiddleheads, smoked fish, and maple candy.

ice fish! ice fish! and ice fish!

say "aboot" a lot.

watch _red and green_.....while smoking pot.

shechemist @ 11/20/2002 01:58 PM CST

Everyone at the same time open up your freezers & fridges. That would work.

amy beth @ 11/20/2002 02:47 PM CST

1. Declare the dollar to be worth 65 cents.
2. stop making so much fun of the royal family.

mark @ 11/21/2002 11:52 AM CST

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