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Following His tradition of helping overpaid professional athletes win sporting contests, the Good Lord guides a rich man to the Powerball jackpot:

"I just want to thank God for letting me pick the right numbers, or letting the machine pick the right numbers for me," said Mr. Whittaker, who is already a millionaire and the owner of three local businesses.

Good: Whittaker plans to use a considerable part of his new fortune to help the poor in West Virginia.

Not so good: He also wants to buy a house in "a gated community somewhere."

Replies: 5 Confessions

He says he's going to wait before he buys that helio-klopter. Perhaps getting another cowboy hat is a higher priority?

jima @ 12/27/2002 12:50 PM CST

His wife wants to go to Israel because - no shit - "Jesus walked there."

Shylo @ 12/27/2002 02:01 PM CST

Big advantage to this guy living in a gated community is that he will NEVER be my neighbor. Or yrs either, I bet.

elavil @ 12/27/2002 02:29 PM CST

I thought something like that when I first rea that story. Behind bars, where he belongs.

Also: someone should put a padlock on the gate of his gated community. So he can never get out again. Problem solved!

jima @ 12/27/2002 03:16 PM CST

Dudes, you gotta believe me: When I was in West Virginia last week I lost my wallet down a mine shaft! It had my lottery ticket in it and THIS GUY FOUND IT!!!

Charlie @ 12/28/2002 11:02 PM CST

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