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You know, the last time I got laid off, I didn't have to go to work the next day. This is weird. I don't have a job anymore, and yet I have all this work to do. Which is OK, I guess, because having to finish out this last 90 days is keeping me from focusing on the enormity of it all: I have to get my "interview suit" cleaned and buy a blouse (I have no blouses at all. I am not of the blouse people) for it and probably lose a few pounds to fit into it because I haven't worn it in three years, and I have to update my resume and put together a clips portfolio and start doing the dreaded "networking" and mostly I have to figure out if I want another journalism/publishing job (because I've been thinking for a while now that maybe I don't), and if I don't, then what is it I do want? And, my god, what if I'm unemployed for a year? What if we go to war and the economy gets even worse? Holy fuck!

But now all I have to think about is getting my last set of deadlines met and getting these pubs out the door. Just like always! Nothing to see here, folks -- this lady's still employed! See how busy?

But still, I didn't sleep well last night.

I managed to avoid the crying until this morning, when after 35 minutes of standing in the cold my bus still hadn't shown up, and could this week get any shittier? I was able to stifle the sobs that would have left me wet-faced and snotty and even colder, but they're still lurking under the surface right now. So this week will probably be "grieving week," in which I will drink too much Coke and eat too much chocolate (only you understand me, little Cadbury Mini-Eggs!) and then bemoan the fact that I cannot fit into my interview suit because I am a fat slob, a fat jobless slob! Sob!

And then next week I will just have to snap the fuck out of it. Because, as the ever-tactful "outplacement specialist and career counselor" who came to our office yesterday so gently put it, "You can't expect anyone to feel sorry for you." Thanks, Captain Tough-Love!

Replies: 7 Confessions

You and I both know people who expect us to feel sorry for them all the time and cut them yards and yards of unwarranted slack because of their awful parents or their terrible life or whatever. You will never be a person like that, so of course your friends (count me in!), who do not feel sorry for you, are free to feel sorry WITH you.
And in the longer term, I don't think you'll be unemployed for a year - you're not the person you were last time you put on that job search suit, and I don't just mean transiet shape shifting. So, speaking for myself, I will feel sorry with you this week and then next week see what is needed. However it goes, I'm on yr side.

elavil @ 02/26/2003 09:26 AM CST

And I still say that considering how long you've been putting off taking up drinking, now's a great time to start!

Phineas @ 02/26/2003 10:13 AM CST

Hi. Devoted lurker Doug here.

Oh drat, Amy. I hate getting laid off. I've been laid off twice in the 10 years since we left K. It only seems to happen to me when the wife is 9 months or so pregnant. That's it! No more kids!

Good luck with all this. You're so bloody talented I'm sure you'll come out OK.

Hugs, Doug

Doug F @ 02/26/2003 01:22 PM CST

Doug -- it's not just you. My editor is two weeks from her due date.

And thanks, y'all, for the hugs and support and offers of intoxication.

amyc @ 02/26/2003 01:32 PM CST

And besides, if we feel sorry for ourselves, we are letting the terrorists win!

John @ 02/26/2003 02:33 PM CST

Should I put out the word in textbook land? Drop a few hints? See which way the wind is blowing?

I'm sorry tha you'll be leaving though. It sounds like such a good organization, and they're going to suffer without you guys.

Cinnamon @ 02/26/2003 04:31 PM CST

Thanks, Cinnamon -- any textbook-land snooping would certainly be appreciated.

amyc @ 02/26/2003 04:52 PM CST

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