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I installed our new toilet seat today. The old seat, which came with the apartment and looked like it had seen many an ass before we got here, had lacquer worn off in patches, so the seat looked dirty even after a good scrubbing. So I bought a new one at Target for 7 bucks. I spent the last half hour or so hunched over the toilet with a screwdriver and a bottle of non-chlorine bleach, disassembling and cleaning and installing and spiffying. Then I bagged up all the old stuff to take out to the alley, stopping by the pantry to take out the regular trash as well. And of course, because I did not feel filthy enough, the pantry trash bag had leaked an inch of (cue violent shuddering) garbage juice! (eeeuugghhh!) into the bottom of the bin. So there was double-bagging and running and hosing out and more bleach. You know what they say about dirty jobs, though.

Because the unpleasant, the disgusting, the painful and humiliating stuff that we have to do so that we do not live like savages with ugly toilet seats and drippy trash and pent-up rage -- that stuff can only ever be postponed. It can never be completely avoided. Sometimes, no matter how awful the task, you just have to get out your tools and your bleach and get on your knees and fix stuff. Because it will not go away on its own, and it will not kill you, and there's almost nothing you can get on your hands that can't be washed off.

You know?

Replies: 4 Confessions

Yes, indeed. Also because, left undone, all that stuff can give you (and your family members and then their family members and then your entire community) cholera of both biological and psychological varieties.
Or you could say "In anyone else, this would be garbage juice, but because it is MINE, it is not garbage juice but wonderful, lovely nectar that I should share with everyone" or you could say "This garbage juice is the fault of this person who hurt my feelings in eighth grade" and go smash her face with a brick. Both lead to cholera but at least you get to cherish the illusion of personal perfection while you're rotting.

elavil @ 07/17/2003 09:12 AM CST

Scarlet and I prefer not to see such things...

Charlie @ 07/17/2003 10:57 AM CST

Kinda hard to wash hydrofluoric acid off, but I know what you mean.

Larry Lurex @ 07/17/2003 11:02 AM CST

thomas lynch writes that with the invention of the toilet we have become distanced from the common grime of the Body (yes, capital B).

personally, i'm thankful for the flush.

congratulations on your newly upholstered throne.

ms lauren @ 07/23/2003 12:47 AM CST

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