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OK, we're all done talking like pirates, right? Because, thanks to the genius people at Media Whores Online, tomorrow is Talk Like O'Reilly Day!
TALK LIKE O'REILLY DAY Friday, September 26
So much fun was had last week's Talk Like a Pirate Day that a new day was inspired on which people could talk like someone whose every utterance induces howls of laughter from listeners: Friday, September 26 is "Talk Like O'Reilly Day"!
Some advice fore novices who might be asking "How can I talk like O'Reilly?":
Beginners can do impressively well in their first efforts at talking like O'Reilly if they simply remember two words: "SHUT UP!"
You can sharpen your skills by testing them on your boss the first thing Friday morning. When he approaches you at your desk and attempts to assign you a task, simply yell "SHUT UP!" before he has a chance to finish a sentence. Each time he opens his mouth to talk to you, scream "SHUT UP!" or "SHUT UP! SHUT....UP!"
Once you've detected a fair amount of frustration on his face and your coworkers begin to gather on the scene, point to someone at random and yell "You! You! Cut his mic! Cut his mic!"
You'll be amazed at how easy it is to Talk Like O'Reilly. Once you master the basics, you can begin to include other O'Reilly classics in your repertoire. Some suggestions:
* Make up some dramatic stories about your blue-collar upbringing, including telling anyone who will listen that you were standing up for the little guy at the age of 2.
* Read about a local court case, and then call up the local Bar association to complain about one of the lawyers and request disciplinary action be taken against him. If you're told his conduct is within ethical boundaries, berate the bar association as a sleazy clique of amoral parasites.
* Each time you hear someone say "fair," "balanced," or "and," run to the boss and demand he file a lawsuit against that person
* Steer every conversation toward a discussion of the fact that we're currently fighting World War III
* Delivery and inflection are important as well. Bobble your head from side to side, raise your eyebrows, and point your finger as you assert your opinions.
And when you're done with all that, you can buy the book!
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