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I go to work, I come home and study, then I go to bed and start again. Even when I do get a few hours of free time, it's been so cold the last couple weeks that I have no desire to do anything that might involve leaving the apartment.

I work in a cube with no privacy, which means I can no longer spend several hours a day poking around online, reading blogs and newspapers and catching up on e-mails (see The Man stepping on my back!). So I feel completely disconnected from the world and all my friends these days. And so tired! My birthday is Tuesday, but I just haven't had the energy or inclination to put together a dinner event or breakfast bowl or anything. I just don't really care much this year.

And don't even get me started on family stuff. Jesus.

But, hey, it's no longer dark when I get home from work. And after a party last night in a friend's gorgeous vintage condo, Jim and I have been inspired to get serious about buying our own place soon. I've got a handsome fella to come home to every night, and he loves me even when I'm whiny and insane. And he's making ginger-carrot soup for dinner. So I've got that going for me. Alrighty!

Replies: 3 Confessions

You are in the wrong place and you know it. That's why you're tired and disconnected and depressed. You can either get used to it, or you can take your life back.

Getting used to it may mean things never get better. It means (for you) suffering in ways the happily adjusted corporate citizen can never imagine.

Taking your life back is scary, the responsibility is sometimes too much to bear, but it also means having joy and freedom that people who just "settle" (to use an Oprah-ism, much as Oprah-isms disgust both of us) will never experience.

It's only life -- it's not anything serious, like Cribbage.

You can write, you can think. You don't need a job but you do need to do meaningful work and meaningful work always pays better, in every way, than any job. Get busy.

Bill Brandon @ 02/01/2004 05:39 PM CST

This situation is only temporary, Bill. I'm doing the shitty job for a while so I can pay for school, where I'm learning how to do what I really want. I'm hoping things will improve with spring and sunlight, and in a year, I hope to kiss this job goodbye. Well, maybe not "kiss." Maybe "kick."

amyc @ 02/01/2004 06:05 PM CST

happy birthday miz rubbernun. so many cool folks born in early feb. be grateful you ain't sharing a birthday with fucking ronnie reagan.

dinner some time this month?

shechemist @ 02/02/2004 09:47 PM CST

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