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I know it's uncool to say this, but I really like Courtney Love. Or, at least, I really used to. Even after she got the stylist and the boob job and went all Hollywood, I wanted her to win.

I remember where I was and what I was doing the first time I heard "Miss World." I was, like pretty much everyone, dubious about the Widow Cobain's talent. But the line "I'm Miss World, somebody kill me" incited a seismic shift in me. I was not quite two years out of college and still steeped in that hyper-earnest, campus feminist mindset, which I adopted even though it didn't fit too comfortably because I didn't think I had options. I was down with the ideas, of course, but the execution always lacked a little something -- mostly humor. I was drawn to Ani DiFranco over the usual "womyn's music" because of her wit, but even she had moments of cringe-inducing utopian sincerity that made me embarrassed for her. But until April 1994, it was all I knew.

And then there was "Miss World," so furious and so funny and not a bit like anything I'd heard before. This was my "click." I bought the CD. Then I learned about Riot Grrrl and plunged head-first into zines and Bikini Kill, Team Dresch and Sleater-Kinney. I joined Women's Action Coalition. I finally found a home for my snottiness and sarcasm and sexuality.

Of course, the cool 90s-style direct-action feminist groups had exactly the same power struggles and demands for conformity that so disillusioned me in the 70s-style consciousness-raising campus feminist groups. But I finally found a political voice that was true to my own. Courtney Love, for all her faults, was the bridge that got me there.

She was tough and smart and hilarious, but also manipulative and lazy and deeply, deeply fucked up. She talked a great game about empowerment and body image, then she got a nose job and a breast lift. And then another nose job. Then liposuction, fake boobs, another damn nose job. But I kept rooting for her, although much less vocally. I never thought she "sold out" as much as she, you know, "went nuts." I wanted to believe she would eventually come around, overcome her childhood horrors and current demons, and get her fucking shit together.

But, sweet zombie Jesus, look at her! She barely looks human. Her behavior over the last couple years (not even limited to the stuff she's been arrested for) suggests someone in the throes of a serious mental break. This part is not so funny.

It's probably a bad idea, but I'm still rooting for her.

Replies: 2 Confessions

I have always loved Ms. Love, just like I love all the bad girls of punk culture. the truely bad girls that scream 'fuck you', show up in public out of their mind, and openly fuck who every they want. courtney love, lydia lynch, patti smith, oh fuck what is her name.....poet, was in the mekons.. died from breast cancer a few years ago...fuck her name is at the tip of my fingers...anyway, diamanda galas, wendy williams, kathleen hanna, and maryanne faithful. I love cuz they are unfuckingapologetic about their anger. I feel for miz love. I also keep hoping she will pull out of the sprial she seems to be in and gets back to her former ass kicking self.

shechemist @ 02/02/2004 09:44 PM CST

hm...I've been ashamed to admit it too, but I have to agree. Maybe having Frances almost taken away will straighten her out. Or not. One can always hope...

Frida @ 02/04/2004 07:36 PM CST

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