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So, I spent three nights at a five-star resort on my recent work trip and confirmed (not that this is any surprise) that I am not the five-star resort type. Sure, the scenery was pretty and the bed was comfy and the shower head was as big as a dinner plate. But luxury disturbs me. The staff apparently was required to call me "Miss Carlton" at all times, which made me uncomfortable and kept me from my preferred travel mode of sulky anonymity. At dinner one night, the waiter brought me my meal with a subservience that made me want to cry. What did I do to deserve this fawning obsequiousness? I wasn't even spending my own money. (Well, technically I was. But I hope to get reimbursed soon.) I guess I see the appeal of making people spoil you at a high-class spa in the mountains, but that's certainly not anything I need.

But, really, would it kill the catering staff not to use their hot water and coffee urns interchangeably? Every cup of tea I made tasted like old French roast.

Also, mountain air is apparently not very good for chest colds. My first night there, it took me about 4 hours to catch my breath. I couldn't walk the quarter-mile from my room to the conference area without gasping. Even the hale and hearty healthcare professionals at the conference spoke of heading out for a jog around the lake only to stop after five minutes, exhausted and wheezing.

The trip wasn't all lung pain and class struggle, though. On the resort's vast gounds I saw black swans and black squirrels, plus a hundred pairs of wood ducks on the lake. The ducks would feed by teaming up faced in opposite directions, sticking their heads in the water and spinning in tandem. It was odd, and oddly relaxing to watch.

But the long days and thin air didn't help my shitty cold get any better. Now, in fact, I have a shitty sinus infection. All hail Zithromax! And I returned to the office to find my evil boss' edits of my articles for the next issue. I'm not kidding -- in one article I mentioned that a source broke her foot, and evil boss thought I should have specified which bone in which foot.

After 60 days at this place, I think it might be time to start looking again.

Replies: 3 Confessions

Yes, but did you get to visit the Focus on the Family compound? I do think you and Dr. Dobson would find so many things to talk about.

Phineas @ 03/22/2004 10:42 AM CST


Alas, he did not invite me for tea.

amyc @ 03/22/2004 09:13 PM CST


The thing about mountain air that makes chest colds -- or just breathing -- hard is the relative lack of oxygen. Stick around for a few years and air at lower elevations starts to feel almost swimmable.

veblen @ 03/23/2004 10:44 PM CST


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