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So...the DIY Trunk Show was last week, and I haven't written anything about it. Mostly because:

a) I still can't believe it's actually over. I still think, every time I leave the house, that I should bring postcards for the show to leave around town.

and

2) I haven't really had a chance to, you know, process the whole thing, as the kids say. The day of the show, I was running all over Pulaski Park making sure the vendors were happy and the shoppers were shopping and the volunteers were where they were supposed to be and doing what they were supposed to do. I talked to half a dozen old friends I hadn't seen in years, which is disorienting when it happens one at a time, but mindfucking when it happens all at once. I did a lot of shopping and schmoozing and being a highly gregarious and public person, which is so not what I usually do when surrounded by hundreds of people. I spent part of the day fighting the urge to hide in the balcony and observe the events in silent loneliness, but then I got too busy to even think. I was completely wrung out and empty by the end of the day.

And then I spent the next day thinking, "Man, that was fun!" and grinning like an idiot.

But that's about where I stopped, on account-a work and school and the midterm that's due tomorrow. I'm not sure what to do with all my Trunk Show emotions yet, and I'm a little worried they might fade before I figure them out, what with the noise and distraction of the holidays fast approaching.

And I don't really know what to do with most of the emotions I've been churning through for the last four weeks, the constant ricochet between hope and despair, sometimes several times a day. I've been in a dark mind since Nov. 2. I've had half a dozen migraines since then. I've been listening to the Beatles -- my aural comfort food -- more than I have since I was a kid. I took a sick day last week to relax, but I ended up doing homework most of the day. At the same time, I feel like I'm not as upset as I should be. Mostly I want to nap.

Things are so different. I got more search requests for "cartoon dolphins" than for "fucking nuns" this month. What is to become of us?

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