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From the NYT Magazine feature on designer hybrid dogs (your Labradoodles, your Puggles, and whathaveyou):

"There was only one really perfect thing on the face of this earth, and he was crucified. To us, the pug is pure."

The article is fascinating, weird, and very sad. I'm against purebreeding generally, but now I'll feel even more conflicted about the goofy charm of a pug, knowing that the dogs have been bred to the point of being unable to reproduce without serious human interference:

Making purebred pugs is arduous and important business. The pug's problem is geometrical. A century of selection for the standard's "square and cobby" body has exaggerated those qualities, rendering many males incapable of positioning themselves on a bitch, of procreating reliably without human assistance. Nor can puppies muscle through the pug's narrowed birth canal; like many breeds, virtually all pugs must be delivered by C-section. "You'll never have feral pugs," one woman told me earlier that night. She said it fondly.

Woody, the Beards' stud, is older, and his frozen semen had not survived FedExing. So weeks earlier, Patt Kolesar embedded a hormonal implant in her bitch's vulva to bring her into heat in time for tonight's scheduled "side by side."

Kolesar positioned her bitch, Birdie, on the floor. Woody sniffed rambunctiously and mounted. As the dog began his dedicated thrusting, the unlikelihood of him ever managing the transaction on his own was plain. And so, as planned all along, Jutta Beard crouched behind him and concluded things with an expeditious right hand. In an instant, she was holding up a plastic bag with a dime-size clump in its corner.

The reproductive specialist set about confirming the semen's motility with a microscope and advised Kolesar to tuck the pipette in her cleavage. It is a trick, she said, to keep it warm while they transferred Birdie onto the table and Beard microwaved some skim milk for "extender," compensating for Woody's paltry output. "It takes a village," Kolesar said, exhaling deeply as she got up off the floor.


Kolesar slid the tool into Birdie. After several minutes, she removed it and seemed satisfied. Then she inserted her bare finger into Birdie's vagina and began to wriggle it, delicately and with great purposefulness. She was "feathering" the dog, stimulating the vaginal walls as a stud would, so that her muscles would contract and draw the semen into her cervix. (The surest method of insemination, Kolesar later explained, and one commonly done, is to surgically expose the bitch's uterus, deposit the semen directly and then sew it back up.) As Kolesar worked, Beard positioned herself near the dog's head, and the Beards' daughter was at center, stroking Birdie's back like a midwife. This seemed to go on for a long time. Then it was done.


That is fucked up, if you don't mind my saying. Just get a shelter mutt, people!

Replies: 1 Confession

OH MY!!!!! This IS the sickest thing-I know! Please be advised that not all pug breeders are into this crap-I think that "sexual contact with an animal" is illegal....well maybe not in Wisconsin! hahaha-sorry to all the NORMAL WI residents. Really, AT LEAST use a glove!

Shelly @ 02/22/2007 03:48 PM CST

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