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Just three months after Ted Haggard, the former leader of the National Association of Evangelicals, resigned because of "sexual immorality" (i.e., snorting meth with gay hookers for three years), he is now totally and completely not gay. Totally. Seriously. No, really.

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

See? He wasn't gay! It was just the thing, with the stuff! And the situations! That's what you gotta watch out for. Those situations will get you every time.

Some say "reparative therapy" (big, rock-hard cornerstone of the "ex-gay" movement) "does not work and is dangerous and destructive." But I'm sure it will work just this once, right? Evangelical Christians wouldn't lie to us. Or themselves.

Replies: 2 Confessions

what about Haggard's little meth snorting problem? did they make him both meth and other man's cocks free? or is it just the man on man cocksucking they needed to 'cure'?

shechemist @ 02/07/2007 09:26 AM CST

What's funny is that even the Freepers aren't buying the news of his magic straightosity.

Myself, I loved the situational excuse. So he only wants to have sex with men when he's around them? Well, that should be easy to fix.

ChgoRed @ 02/07/2007 10:00 AM CST

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