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Purity Balls are creepy.

He signed a pledge to be the protector of her purity and to live his own life with integrity. She gave her father a gold key to her heart, and asked him to hold on to it until her wedding day, when he would hand it over to her husband. They walked down the aisle with locked arms and she laid a white rose beside a cross, sealing her commitment.

"It's like I'm devoting my virginity to my dad, saying that I will stay pure because it is the Christian thing to do," said Lindsay Anne Schell, an 18-year-old freshman at Bradley University in Peoria. "The rose shows the world that you are devoting your purity to God and to your father."

Everything about this is wrong, wrong, wrong. Sweet zombie Jesus, if I had ever had to talk to my father about the status of my hymen, I think we both would have had massive aneurysms and perished. But at least I would have died a virgin! Yay!

But wait, there's more:

"Girls are going into marriage with 12 sexual relationships. That brings so much baggage and regret that it breaks down the marriage," said Janet Hellige, a volunteer who organizes the biannual Father-Daughter Purity Ball sponsored by The Christian Center in Peoria. "Girls have a wonderful gift to give, and we don't want them to give all of themselves away. What we want them to do is present themselves as a rose to their husband with no blemishes."

I mean, really. Does she have any proof whatsoever that women's premarital sexual activity "breaks down the marriage"? Did the reporter not think to ask a follow-up here?

And I suppose it's just too obvious to ask what becomes of the unblemished roses of the males in this culture. Where is the corresponding "prom night" for teen boys and their moms? They could call them Blue Balls (or Motherboy).

Someone else in the article asserts that Purity Balls are just a way for dads and daughters to spend time together. But can't that happen without all the filthy talk? My dad and I used to go to the Lions game every year on Thanksgiving. It was our special thing -- just the two of us. I looked forward to it every year. We'd get to the stadium early and discuss the Lions' chances this year and watch football and eat nachos and NOT TALK ABOUT SEX!

And of course, Purity Balls don't work worth a damn anyway:

"...1 in 6 teens are signing virginity pledges, though 88 percent of them break that vow before they marry, according to a federally funded national longitudinal study of adolescent health."

So there you go. A bunch of teenaged girls get all dolled up and pledge their cherries to their dads in a public feudal property ceremony, but they still end up popped before their special daaaaaay, when dad gives a gold key to lucky husband #1 and says "Here's my daughter's vagina! Enjoy!"

What is wrong with people?

Replies: 3 Confessions

I like the implication in there that keeping your hooha hermetically sealed until choosing the one and only person you will have sex with for the rest of your life couldn't possibly result in regret. Because marriages were always perfect before they invented premarital sex, correct?

But honestly, I can't decide what's more unnatural: Purity Balls or the very idea of you at a football game.

Phineas @ 12/01/2007 03:15 PM CST

Well, I saved football for that one special man in my life -- my dad. And only on Thanksgiving.

Amy C @ 12/01/2007 08:27 PM CST

I just posted about this article on a message board because it horrified me so much. The extent of the involvement of the fathers is extremely creepy, IMO.

I like the idea of calling the boys' equivalent Blue Balls.

AmyWOMAN @ 12/02/2007 07:21 PM CST

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